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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29124783">do you really want to not get better?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsalliaArchive/pseuds/AsalliaArchive'>AsalliaArchive</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Love Live! Sunshine!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, Out of Character, Religion, alternate universe where the only difference is riko is catholic and hates the gays (she's the gays), kissing while you cry is a lesbian activity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:47:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,280</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29124783</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsalliaArchive/pseuds/AsalliaArchive</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"What about Sunday?"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>  <em>In the peripheral of her vision, You caught Riko grasping at her chest, right where the cross necklace she wore was always perched, like a ward to fend off impure desires.</em></p><p> </p><p>  <em>You supposed that included her, too. She wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or hurt.</em></p><p> </p><p>After practice on the rooftop, You tries to lower Riko's defenses long enough to admit the truth about their feelings for one another.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sakurauchi Riko/Watanabe You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>do you really want to not get better?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is where everyone finds out that my only personality trait is Riko being a Good, Completely Heterosexual Catholic Girl Who Would Never Want To Make Out With You Watanabe™. I like to think it's a good one to have. I wrote this in about twenty minutes on my phone, while sitting by the lake and listening to the waves lapping at the concrete of the shoreline. It was a nice energy, and I do feel a bit bad about using it to make Riko and You sad. Don't worry, though. They'll be fine.</p><p>(Inspired by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVEOE1b9qUM">the song of the same name</a> by Joyce Manor.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Practices with Aqours weren’t a particularly picturesque affair, just about as far from the carefully-curated act they put on as idols as possible. It was messy, sweat-drenching work, and though all nine members were equally dedicated, that didn’t mean they all enjoyed it equally.</p><p>You had reveled in it for a long time, of course. The endorphins that came with a good workout had no substitute, and the post-exercise stretches carried with them endless catharsis. Lately, though, all that just seemed to recede to the background. Stretches turned into time for longing gazes, duo exercises became a desperate wish to be paired with anyone other than Riko, and another even more desperate wish to be paired with Riko alone.</p><p>Maybe the others had started to catch on; maybe that was why the two of them seemed to always have their attention taken up by others, just to keep the tension to a minimum. Sometimes You wondered if they’d seen what went on after practice behind the school building, in the pool, on the beach late at night; but then she would realize that none of it quite mattered. Riko would deny it no matter what, then spurn You for letting anyone on to their secret until the next time she needed the company.</p><p>It was at the very end of practice when You finally approached Riko, each step more apprehensive than the last. That the very act carried with it any intrinsic meaning was strange, but they’d hardly talked all day, only cursory greetings and necessary coordination for the next live.</p><p>No passion, no warmth. Only necessity.</p><p>This was different, though. At least, that was what You hoped. She wasn't approaching Riko as an idol, as a fellow member of Aqours. She was approaching Riko as somewhere between a paramour and a spurned lover, eyes wide like a puppy's in the hopes that this time wouldn’t be like every other. Riko looked up from her doujin, and her eyes narrowed like a cat cornered, desperately searching for an escape route.</p><p>"H- hey Riko," You began hesitantly. The stammer in her voice betrayed the dearth of confidence in her heart as she walked closer, seating herself beside the object of her affections. "What are you reading?"</p><p>A side eye from Riko gave the impression that the answer wasn't You's to know, but then she leaned it over so it was visible to the both of them. It was a romance, about a soft-spoken lady being wooed by a young man who seemed as though he were a knight in shining armor, right out of a fairy tale.</p><p>The sight made You sick to her stomach, but it was her own fault. She never knew why she asked questions she didn't want the answers to.</p><p>"Are you enjoying it?" You asked, sincerity attempting to pave over the anguish in her voice.</p><p>Riko stared for a second, then two. Each stretched on and on into an eternity before finally she closed the book, bringing forever to a swift, unflattering end.</p><p>"What do you want, You?"</p><p>Her words were bitter like cyanide, her tongue the dagger. It tore through You's spirit, just as it always did. They'd done this so many times. It was exhausting.</p><p>"I was thinking... maybe we could hang out or something? Go over to Numazu and shop? I need to pick out a few fabrics for the new costume and I bet there's a lot of cool music stores-"</p><p>"I'm busy Saturday," Riko interrupted hastily. There was a quaver in her voice, like she was terrified of something. "I have practice with Yoshiko and Mari."</p><p>"What about Sunday?"</p><p>In the peripheral of her vision, You caught Riko grasping at her chest, right where the cross necklace she wore was always perched, like a ward to fend off impure desires.</p><p>You supposed that included her, too. She wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or hurt.</p><p>"I have church. My mom said there's a boy there who wants to talk to me.”</p><p>The words died in the air, no enthusiasm or joy to keep them from turning necrotic. You winced at the sound. Riko’s mom had done this before, more times than You could count. She guessed that another rumor had cloyed at the woman’s ears.</p><p>“You don’t have to meet him-”</p><p>“Yes I do!” Riko shouted, cutting You off and seemingly startling herself with the intensity of her own objection. She didn’t even seem to notice that she’d thrown the doujin all the way across the She shrank further into herself, even though her armor kept slipping away minute by minute. “He sounds like he would be good to me. Kind, respectful."</p><p>You leaned closer, concern knit into her scrunched-up eyebrows. It was all a lie, and it was hardly the first. Riko was a ramshackle house that looked fine on the outside, yet was held together by little more than lie after lie, each existing solely to prop up a veneer of purity.</p><p>"Pious?" You asked, her voice low. Riko knew what it meant: <em>just like all the others</em>?</p><p>"Very," Riko responded. The word came with no joy, only painful resignation. You's heart panged. She'd be pushed away soon, but for the moment Riko wasn't rejecting her company. That was something, at least.</p><p>"Well…" she began, now just barely hovering over Riko, who wore an expression that might as well have been hieroglyphic. "If you're busy this weekend, at least stay here with me now for a little while?"</p><p>Riko looked around as soon as You spoke. There was no one left, only the two of them and the sun that set the sky aflame in violent hues. When she returned her gaze to You's, it only showed one thing: pure, unadulterated vulnerability.</p><p>"I…" She looked as though she were about to say something, to speak the truth they'd both known for so long now. But she couldn't. She never could. "Yeah. Just for a little bit."</p><p>She leaned into You, pressing their foreheads together in a silent gesture of affection. Still, her hand remained vigilant, clutching at that cross all the while.</p><p>"Don't think about him, okay?" You spoke delicately. She reached between them to take hold of Riko’s hand, leading it away from her chest. "You’re fine, just as you are."</p><p>"I don’t know if I can believe you. I really don’t.” Tears were pooling at the corners of Riko’s eyes, until at last they stained her cheeks a dark hue.</p><p>“Just… trust me. Please.”</p><p>They would do this all again. Tomorrow, Riko would go back to treating You like her own personal Judas, eyeing her with disdain instead of the love they both knew she’d locked away deep in her heart. She would meet the boy her mother had arranged for her to be courted by, and play the part expected of her. She would be polite, chaste, demure.</p><p>But that wouldn’t be Riko, not the <em>real </em>Riko that You had learned by heart. The real Riko was the one who had her arms in You’s hair, kissing her with all the desperation of someone who didn’t expect to be on this earth a day longer. It was her tongue intertwined with You’s as she whispered that name over and over again, like a prayer. You, You, <em>You.</em></p><p>The real Riko was intoxicating, and You knew she’d never be able to get enough. She’d keep crawling back again and again, just to take whatever small sliver she would be given until the next time Riko would stop ignoring her very existence. Until the day that they could finally admit their love for one another, that was enough.</p>
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